When the ten heard about this, they became indignant with James and John. Jesus called them together and said, "You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Mark 10 41:-45I was asked the other day from a friend to share some insight on dating. I dated both before I was a Disciple and afterwards. Obviously there is the non-Disciple conviction on dating and the Disciple conviction. As a Disciple, you have to understand that steady dating is something that should never be coveted. It isn't a high point with your walk with God, it is an added bonus. When you choose a certain some one to steady date, you need to consider something. "Am I ready to have my spirituality rocked?"
Refer to the above scripture, Disciples are to serve. Just yesterday, my wife (or my last girlfriend) asked me to help the neighbors out with getting their car out from the snow. I personally don't like to be volunteered, but is is good for my spirituality. (That is a topic for some later time, no promises.) We did, I acted mad at Amy, because I wanted her to feel bad for asking me to help our neighbor, but in the end, she reminded me, Jesus served. I thought about Jesus' first miracle, turning water into wine. He was volunteered by his mother and made her aware that he would, but he wasn't planning on it. Remember, Disciples are to serve.
When it comes to dating in the Kingdom, realize you have to be in it for them before yourself. If your approach is, "what can I get out of doing this," then the relationship will be a tough one for the both of you. Provided you had a pretty health dating life in the Kingdom, this is pretty easy. Remember how you would take the entire week to plan out a double date with a brother. You would make some sort of card or find a really neat gift for the sister and then you were all about talking to your date? This should never change when you steady date.
Another thing, probably the most important, is to make sure in the early stages of steady dating or even before, to do some ground work on what you both expect as a dating couple. Believe me, this will spare headaches down the road. There should not be anything that off limits in the discussion. It should rage from, how often you should see each other, how long should date night be, how long to meet for a quite time, what time is the latest you want to be out at, kissing or not, what older couple you both want to get advice from, etc.
One last thing to keep in mind, she is your sister in Christ. What does that have to do with anything you ask? She is God's daughter, that is what it has to do with it. At no time in your dating life should you start to think she is your wife. Dating is about figuring out if you like the person enough to have them as a girlfriend. In the Kingdom, we often treat it as pre-engagement, but really the goal is to have a better relationship with your sister in Christ. A successful dating relationship is defined in two ways:
- You get engaged, get married and have kids and they become Disciples.
- You break up and you still have an incredible relationship as a result.
